Girls, Gains and Growing Pains
Get ready to start working smarter and harder to achieve your fitness goals. In every episode, we break down common health and fitness questions in a fun and relatable way. Whether you’re a beginner or far along on your fitness journey, this podcast is for you.
Girls, Gains and Growing Pains
Body Blues: Practical Strategies to Combat Body Dysmorphia
When we started our fitness journeys, we had no idea that our toughest battle would be with the mirror, not the weights. In this episode, we discuss body dysmorphia, sharing our experience with distorted self-perception and the role knowledge plays in judging ourselves. To conclude, we dive into practical strategies for managing body dysmorphia and the negative self-talk that often comes with it.
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This is Girls Gains and Growing Pains, a podcast about working smarter and harder to achieve your fitness goals. In every episode, we break down common health and fitness questions in a fun and relatable way.
Speaker 2:Whether you're a beginner or far along on your fitness journey, this podcast is for you. I'm Rachel Johns, a bikini bodybuilder, nutrition certified through precision nutrition and a NASA certified personal trainer, and I'm Julia Ross, just a regular gal trying to get healthier and lose weight. It is important to note that neither of us are medical professionals, and the views expressed on this podcast are those of the host.
Speaker 1:And today we are going to be talking about body dysmorphia. So if you are at all uncomfortable with hyperanalyzing the body and how we feel about it, this is not the episode for you. But if that is your jazz, buckle up, because this is going to be a much anticipated episode.
Speaker 2:If you can relate, definitely keep listening, then this is for you. Yes, this is the support club. So I know so many people who deal with body dysmorphia because it's so common. It's so common. So what is body dysmorphia?
Speaker 2:And it's kind of like when we hyper focus on maybe something that we think is a flaw or like a defect in ourselves that, like no one else sees, no one else notices, but we hyper focus on it and as a weight loss trainer, as a trainer in general, many clients deal with this and I've had many conversations with them about it. I can relate and it's something that just needs to continue to be talked about. Yeah, because it's something that people can relate to and it's something that I think people don't know how to talk to their friends about, because when you have body dysmorphia about something your friend might be, like just get over it, like you're fine, but that's not a great solution for people. That's not this easier said than done. So we're going to talk about it a little bit and I wanted to ask you a question.
Speaker 2:Oh, hot seat already I know For you guys who don't know I play in the whole episode and Julia just comes along for the ride with whoever.
Speaker 1:I just show up, I'm just happy to be here.
Speaker 2:So so I want to know is how? How was maybe body dysmorphia prior to your fitness journey starting, versus now?
Speaker 1:I think prior to my fitness journey, I experienced body dysmorphia, but I processed it in a very different way.
Speaker 1:So, I I grew up in the era of the original Mean Girls movie where there was that scene where the three Mean Girls all stood in front of the mirror and they were like, oh, I hate you know this thing, that's not really wrong with them. Or I hate this thing, that's not really wrong with them. And then they all turn to the new girl and they're like expecting her to say what's wrong with her and she's kind of like, oh, like I'm so ugly and they just kind of go, oh okay, like shrug you know, so before my fitness journey, when I would be hyper critical of my physical appearance or see things that other people weren't noticing, I kind of chalked it up to hyper critical, overly self absorbed, like classic diet culture.
Speaker 1:Girl talk was kind of how I perceived body dysmorphia discourse in my head, whereas once I started my fitness journey, I perceived myself to be more qualified in making those judgments. Okay, if that makes any sense.
Speaker 2:So, like you're more in tune with your body, so they're exactly yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I knew more about the different muscle groups and like how they grow differently in a different paces, and I knew like what should be where. So I was able to be more dismissive of those intrusive feelings and thoughts before my fitness journey because I was able to say, oh, this is just socialization and culture, whereas post fitness journey I feel probably inadequately, but I feel more qualified to make those judgments about myself, whether or not that's actually true.
Speaker 2:Interesting. It's funny because you say that because you're like well, I know what muscles grow more and less, and it's. It's funny because then you're like well, if your shoulders don't feel as big as they should be, then you can be like, but that's because it's harder to grow them.
Speaker 2:Instead of being like oh, I, you know I'm screwing up in my shoulders, it's like, but it's hard hard to grow Like, and also to. Genetically, some parts of some people are harder to grow than others. Like I have really long legs and you have really short legs. Yeah, your legs grow tremendously well, they do your hamstrings, let me tell you guys, she sends me, I do some hamstrings all the time and I'm sitting over here like grinding out hamstring workouts four days a week just to get some submission of a hamstring. And you're like well, look at my hamstrings and I'm like yep, yep, I see that.
Speaker 1:And you know it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not that like I'm neglecting my hamstrings. It's true. Genetically I have extremely long famers, so my muscle is very dispersed. You can't see them. You have shorter legs and therefore your hamstrings are so prominent. And so there, this is true, and I and really that so hard we can't, we can get in this household, I know, yeah, but but my shoulders develop. Yeah, they do Much better than I think most girls this is true.
Speaker 2:So you know we have our our given, our takes, exactly, and. But what you said about you know weight loss and where where you started versus where you are now is I have a lot of clients who they're maybe even before weight loss. We're never critical of our bodies. But I think once we start molding our bodies and really like, I think it's easy to dismiss flaws. When you're not putting effort into your body 100% Because you're like, well, of course, maybe I have a flaw, like I'm not working out, I'm not eating healthy, and if you're self reflective and can say that to yourself. But I think it's different when you're putting work in at the gym, you're tracking your food, you're maybe not drinking, you're hydrating well, then you're like. But why is like? Why is this not going away? Why is this not growing Like? Why am I not skinnier than I think I should be? And it's very easy to be so critical of yourself because you're like, but I'm putting an effort.
Speaker 2:But I think we forget that where our starting point was to now, because you're like even along, like the start of the journey, maybe like three months in your body had changed. And if you look back then you're like, oh, those things that I think I see right now, like when, in comparison to the two photos, it's like never mind. Like when we have like a reality check and I feel like, as a coach, that's part of my position to be like okay, maybe you feel like you know you need to be skinnier, whatever, and I'm like well, we just started this weight loss journey Like, let's say, nine months ago. Even people work through four years, man, and they're still never fully satisfied, and I think though I think some people take that negatively of like they're never fully satisfied with their physique. I think it's such a positive thing because our bodies are such dynamic characters, like if you're into like reading and you know, like a static character versus like a dynamic. It's beautiful that our bodies are dynamic because as we age and as we transition in different levels of fitness or maybe we change our like food preferences.
Speaker 2:But Pescaterian, I was Pescaterian for eight years. That was a very large food change for me, and then now I'm back to not being Pescaterian and our bodies are so dynamic that it's kind of nice that they're changing in different ways and like we get to see that they're doing different things and like maybe they're you know women get pregnant and then you know they have to go back into a new, a new body essentially. And I think that's where it's nice that maybe we're not fully satisfied, because it leaves us room to get creative and have fun with, like how we're working with our body, which we talked on the last episode about how you can shape your own body, and that's still kind of with this is it's kind of nice that like we're never fully satisfied, because it's not necessarily a negative thing. It's like that's great, it motivates us, it pushes us, because in working on your physique, your overall health truly benefits. And if we hit our, our favorite physique and we're just like chilling on the couch all day, eating like crap again, first of all your body is not going to respond well.
Speaker 2:So I think it's great that we have like a driver to always become better. And I think sometimes we think with like education and like our jobs, that like we're never satisfied with that stuff and that's okay Because we're taught to just keep grinding, grinding, grinding. But I think with our body. It's okay to you know, keep working on it and keep getting it healthier, because we age and our body starts to to be hindered by that, and if you just keep working on it and keep seeing the beautiful changes that you're making, you can always keep going. And that's where, like, even for me, I'm like I'm not done yet. Not done yet, but I was gonna, I was gonna bring up.
Speaker 1:High school sports. If you're listening, this is our hydration challenge. You are to take a glug of water anytime we mention high school or Taylor Swift Hydration.
Speaker 2:Because we both did the sports that we did and it's a funny to in high school, like some of the sports that we get put into were like. This affects us really long term. And For me, I was a gymnast Mm-hmm, that is no joke. I was a gymnast and then I was a diver yeah, both of which you are in tiny leotards, and I know I dealt with body dysphoria a lot, yeah, in those sports, because those sports are all based on judges scores. So if my legs weren't straight, deduction. If my toes weren't pointed, deduction. If your hair started falling out, it could be a deduction. If your bra strap shows it, if you've ever seen stick it, I don't know you seem to know what your brush up to pops out of your leotard is a deduction.
Speaker 2:If you're, I never shows on your leotard, is deduction like? So there's so much judgment in the sports that I grew up doing Like it wasn't like you shoot a basket. That's a point. Yeah, it's like, oh, one of her feet were flexed, therefore deduction, and I think that's affected me a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I grew up always having like an external judgment and I think that caused me to internally judge because, like, that's all the sports are and not saying gymnastics or diving is bad, but I think it's good as an adult to reflect on the sports that influence how you see your body now. Oh, because my idea of success as an athlete was based on what my body was doing and I think now as an adult, I'm like there. I still have so much times where I look in the mirror like I wish this and I wish that, I wish that, and I think part of that is a reflection of I've always Used my body as like my competition for things like and even now I'm in a phase I was just waiting for you to like land on that I was like, okay, it's coming, it's, the wheels are turning.
Speaker 2:I'm in a physique base for, but I've always kind of been like when I dove if my legs were not straight or my toes were not pointed, it's deducted. And so I think high school sports in college because didn't college but like Really affected me now as an adult and I think other people can relate to.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people were.
Speaker 2:Jim is growing up Like it was like gymnastics or soccer, yeah, and a lot of people done gymnastics and now, as adults, you know, I think sometimes we subconsciously because that in our developmental stages that's where we are at. So it's very important that we start to revert our mindset a little bit Mm-hmm and be like, okay, we're not competing, we're not. Like no one's standing on the outside like judging our body. Mm-hmm, and I think even with, like my weight loss clients is, they're so harsh on themselves. But then as their coach, it I think it's is it helpful having a coach to like, really, you back in with the body dysmorphia, because my coach does not do that. Mm-hmm, okay, my coaches.
Speaker 2:Definitely not, mr Words of affirmation affirmation no so as a Good, as a female, with a female coach. What? What has helped you with any body dysmorphia? Through having someone who literally pays attention to your body every single week.
Speaker 1:It's been really helpful to Provide that baseline, because I'm kind of the opposite. Bringing it back to high school sports is, yes, form mattered for like throwing a discus or throwing a shot, but but the form mattered not because you were being judged on it but because it would affect your output, right. So I tend to be super intrinsic my body dysmorphia, where I can work myself up into a spiral and Get really in my head with it. So it's actually helpful for me to have that external force and like voice of reason and objectivity to come in and say, hey, like there was one time I came to your house and you said, oh my god, you're disappearing in front of you, like where have you gone? What wait why?
Speaker 1:and then it's true, like I looked at, just I take copious amounts of photographs in my life and I looked back at the photos from when I had last seen you and, sure enough, like I looked different and I just hadn't noticed because I've been so in my head about how I was performing and I I found it really helpful. But I think, okay, that can or conditioning or lack of that external conditioning really affected how well I receive external Validation or comments okay and kind of with that.
Speaker 2:How, how do the photos help you without like an external input, like with check-in photos, when you can make comparisons Like how does that help you with your body dysmorphia? Because I I encourage people all the time to take photos because, it's good to Look back and be like, oh, I did that, you know so how? How has that like kind of helped you? I?
Speaker 1:Think it's really helpful For me because I like your progress. Photos are a special little secret that you keep between you and your trainer and you can choose to share that secret when you're feeling fun and confident about it. That's just like a fun, happy bonus, like if you're on the fence about progress.
Speaker 2:Let me share they're very fun.
Speaker 1:It's very fun, but the reason they're fun is because I can be all caught up in the minutiae of how I look right now, and then I can just go back and look at a checkpoint. Six months ago what now, eight months ago?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can look at eight months ago and Take, for example, we talk on the pot a lot, we're trying to grow the glutes and I I Will look at my progress pictures, like from the week before this and this week when I take my progress which I'm gonna look at my glutes and I'm gonna say there is so much work to be I'm gonna get really into the nitty-gritty and to keep myself in check, I am going to go back and look at the progress picture I took on the first day of my journey and say this is exciting, this is observable progress.
Speaker 1:This is, if nothing else, a tangible testament to my commitment to taking better care of myself and that really helps Ground those. Because we and it's not necessarily a bad thought like I think it's important with body dysmorphia is Sometimes it's harder to catch because, at least for me, sometimes it prism, that like presents itself in a gain frame like positive light, like it'll say like oh, like this isn't looking good but don't worry, you can do exercises x, y and z to fix it, whereas if I'm really like whoa, like what is accurate, what is a Objective view of reality?
Speaker 1:right now I can say like, okay, like I know, I'm really focused on and really excited about improving this part of my body, but it's important to pause and take note Of how far we've come, so I would say those are kind of two, two things, with progress pictures in particular.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you, you're saying like there's so much work that needs. Like, when we talk maybe the best over, like there's so much work that needs to be done, and I'm like, but the photo show so much work that has been done. I think that's kind of reframing that in your mind of like if you're losing weight, or if your focus is muscle mass gain, if your focus is strength, and Because even with strength, it's like you know, if you're like, oh, like this, like I have so much farther to go, like I'm only here, and it's like, yeah, but like, look at what's what's happened, and I think that's that's really important to Fix. Say more on that of where you've come and how in the next six months. If you look at the past six months and see that the work that you've done, and you're like, dang, if I commit for another six months, yep, can we imagine where we'll be, and that's a good mindset to be. And also, you, what you were saying is so I've been going, julia, I've been obsessed with. This is book that I'm reading, yes, and it's called we should all be millionaires, and it's by Rachel, something. I don't know her name, rachel smarty-pan. Yeah, but one thing that I really like that. She said that I think it's something good To that can help cope with the body.
Speaker 2:Dysmorphia is, let's say, you're like I Want to lose weight, mm-hmm, but I don't know how. Or I want to lose weight, but it's not going quick enough. Or I want to lose weight, but I can only do 30 minutes on the treadmill yeah, it's better to change the word but into and so it's like I want to lose weight and I don't have a coach that's fixable. That's an open door Instead of I want to lose weight, but I don't have a coach. That closes the door. So when we start to open the door to the solutions to maybe the stuff that we're struggling with, which is I was like that's genius.
Speaker 1:That is wild.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's like, like I'm not happy with my glutes are and I have exercises to keep working on that, yeah, or I am struggling with body dysmorphia and I don't have a coach to help me with that. That's like, okay, I have body dysmorphia and I need help with that and I can get a coach. Like it changes the debt, it changes the self talk with yourself to open doors for you. And when it comes to struggling with the stuff that we're saying to ourselves and over analyzing about ourselves and being hyper critical, it's like we need to change the conversation with ourselves. And if you're like I need to lose more weight, I'm being even if you've already lost 60 some pounds, yeah, I still need to lose more.
Speaker 2:And you're like, well, I'm looking fat today or whatever, like we see that to ourselves and that's an honest conversation we have with ourselves, that we're feeling that way, but it's not always our reality, right?
Speaker 2:And so that that talk of like I need to lose weight, but I don't think I can. And it's like, well, let's change that. Like I want to lose weight and I've already done so much of that and we have so much further that we can go Like we're so capable and talking to ourselves in a way that's like removes the word but from the conversation and just like and I have this and I can do this, and maybe I don't have this right now. I can make a change Like it's. It's leaving the conversation like continually open for yourself, which I really loved that in her phrasing, and it's like totally a whole different scenario with the book. But it's true that, like self talk can really change how we feel and so I. Even today, I was like working out and I was like, first of all, I just got back from Ghana you know, I went to Africa for a week trip, for a medical mission trip.
Speaker 2:And that was the longest time I haven't worked out in probably three years. Yeah, I don't think I've ever taken that amount of time off and coming back I was like working out and I'm feeling like tired a little bit, you know, more sluggish than usual. I'm civically jet lagged and even today that was like like oh, I just look watery and I just feel a little bloated and I'm a little swollen. I get really swollen when I fly. And I was like, like I have so much work to do right now.
Speaker 2:On like my physique from that 10 days off. And then I was like you know what, I need to not be hard on myself. Went to Ghana amazing experience, helped a lot of people and you know what. I came back and I'm the same weight as when I left and you know what the gym might feel really hard right now.
Speaker 2:It felt really hard the past few days. By the way, the gym is really hard for me and, like this was the first time where I've worn a t-shirt to work out in so long because I was just not feeling good. I was like, oh, I feel bloated.
Speaker 1:Can't even imagine. That yeah.
Speaker 2:I wore a t-shirt and I was like, and I was having such bad body dysmorphia yesterday, coming back from the trip, not having worked out, I had no control over the food I ate because we were, you know, being hosted and I had to really like mentally try to battle that. And yes, it was really hard for me to mentally battle through that in like judging myself for being like, should you have gone on a trip, like, you know, should you have packed more food for you to eat so you didn't have to eat the food that you ate there? And I was being really, really, really hard on myself. And then I was talking to my clients and they were like, how's Africa? Like how did you feel? And that was the moment where I was like, oh my gosh, like I used my body because I'm healthy, to travel all the way on the other side of the world to help people, and like I need to be gentler on how I'm talking to myself. And so today, like was much better but it does matter that self-talk and like what your body's doing for you and how you're taking care of it.
Speaker 2:And yes, there might be things you still want to change or maybe you're just being hard on yourself, but it's like no one else is seeing that, like no one else came up. If I was anyone, no one would be like oh yeah, you look blotted in water today. Like you know, we're so hyper focused on ourselves that we're like no one notices. Yeah, and I think that's where we're kind of going to go into a little bit is like it's really hard for us to realize that no one else notices what we're so focused on. Like you've expressed to me like but what about this? And I'm like what do you mean? Like what are you even talking about? And as a coach, I feel like I'm pretty good at decreasing some body's morphia, but at the end of the day, it's how we talk to ourselves.
Speaker 1:That's true. Well, it goes back to what we've been saying about counting macros and actually showing up to the gym is that we can picture you on our shoulder saying those nice things to us as much as you want, but that's not going to actually replace the actions that we're going to need to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think too, sometimes body dysmorphia can, just like I said, hit more when we feel like maybe we've set those goals to the side, because we immediately think we're seeing a digression in our progress. If maybe we have a bad week, yeah, and then we start to, which I see with a lot of clients initially is talking and you've talked about this is talking negatively about their bodies initially, and when maybe a week is really hard, whether it's going to the gym, whether it's through nutrition, they start to revert back to those negative self talk thoughts, which just starts to deteriorate the process a little bit, because then you start getting wrapped up and that's how people can really fall off is not giving them self enough grace, because you do have to give your body grace, because our bodies, again, are always changing. They always may, they might need something different, they might need you to rest for a few days, like maybe that's what your body needs. And I think when we just so hyper focus on everything we want to change, like your body is not going to change overly quickly. Your body, you know, takes time to adjust. You know, again, we set us for getting super in shape was easy, everyone would do it. It's not easy, it's really hard and we have to give ourselves grace in that.
Speaker 2:And I think practicing grace and that's where people do really well with having like gratitude Journal and writing those thoughts out, because when we talk to ourselves, I think it's easy to like forgive, like almost forgive ourselves for having those bad thoughts and like letting that influence us.
Speaker 2:For just like no one else knows, I'm having these thoughts. But like, if you write it out, I think that's a good way of processing and then being able to reflect on how you're feeling, so that maybe you're like I just feel, like you know I'm not doing enough for my body and I feel like I'm not losing weight quick enough and you're talking negatively yourself. But then, you know, looking back at those like journal, like writing, like I'm thankful that at least my body I could go to the gym and walk on the treadmill today and like showing gratitude towards your body can help stop judging your body so much. Yeah, and then focus on like why you're actually making these lifestyle changes, why you're sacrificing, maybe eating chocolate every single night, you know, yeah, I think the the self talk needs to be also written down when you're having like those moments and that's. That's a lot of self awareness.
Speaker 1:Well, in the self talk can also be a cure, a trigger, like I think it's important to not dismiss negative self talk entirely. Like as much as I hate the phrase, like in every joke there's a bit of reality. I hate that because that can not be unilaterally applied, but, like when it comes to our negative self assessments about our body, whether or not that's objectively true is to be determined, but to us it feels true.
Speaker 1:And so some part of that negative assessment is coming from our perception of how we're handling things, and so what I do in my journaling practices based off of so random how we would give constructive feedback when I was in a sorority.
Speaker 2:Okay, so random, so let me explain. Please elaborate it's it's very practical.
Speaker 1:It's the compliment sandwich method of delivery. So you start with a compliment, start with the good things, lay the groundwork, really pump the ego, then you tear him down and then you build him back up again a little bit, but then in your compliment on the end you kind of reference the negatives or the constructives that you mentioned and then the end compliment kind of addresses the whole picture of the good, the bad and then how both of those can be leveraged for the greater good. So when I do that journaling practice I start with I'm so proud of myself for going to the gym today and as painstaking as it is. You start with that positive because you're like, oh, like I, I ate most of my protein, you know. You just get it out and then you can just like shred on yourself Like I. Sometimes I'll even write before I go in. I'll say like I fully acknowledge that these thoughts are not productive, but I just need to get them out of my head Like it just needs to be said.
Speaker 1:So I'll just put it all down and then I'll pause. I'll read the positives, I'll read the constructive feedback and then I'll write in that final compliment part of the compliment sandwich, how I'm going to use my strengths to address, like the threats and the weaknesses to become an opportunity, and that's on SWAT analyses as a comment. That's exactly how I address the journaling practice.
Speaker 2:Okay, you know, they actually teach us that in coaching. Really. Yeah, when I was like a gymnastics coach, they're like say, hey, that's great, I'm glad you went for that. Next time let's try to straighten your legs. But the rebound was really great. Well, but I do think it's.
Speaker 2:It's a good tactic for when we talk to ourselves, because I think it's good to acknowledge what we're doing really really well. I think it's good to also acknowledge where we have room to grow. But then, like you know, give ourselves that positive, because I think that's sometimes our driving motivator. Yeah, it's like okay, I slept eight hours. Great, I got rested. You know I didn't do very well my food, but I did go to the gym, so I'm gonna keep doing that and then I'll work on that thing. I think it just it does really formulate where you can still Be self-motivated through what maybe you need to work on and motivated through the things that you're doing really well. I get motivated through things I'm doing really well. Yeah, I don't necessarily get as motivated for like the Like, the negative, like I can work on those. But like I Go to the gym because I like going to the gym and like I think I like texting and recating be like hit all my workouts Like it's things I'm doing well and that motivates me.
Speaker 2:Yeah so I do like that, though I think that's. I think that's great, because no one has mastered the body dysmorphia no, no at all. And so I think it's great that there are some tactics that have worked for us that maybe people can try, because, I mean, no one on social media knows the solution to body dysmorphia. They're like, oh, just get rid of it, go for a walk, darn it. Like, are you struggling with your image? Just love yourself.
Speaker 1:Try not. Yeah, like that's such a solution people come up with.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like I do feel like that, like no one actually gives like good structured advice.
Speaker 2:But I do think it's good to Know that you're not alone in it, that People of all body types are gonna struggle with my just for me. I think that is a big misconception because I think People my might even look at you and be like she lost so much weight. She must feel amazing like she's doing such a good job, mm-hmm, and not even think about you know, sometimes we wake up in the morning and we're like Like you have those little moments, so, and and that's where to like online. We've talked about this before, about commenting on people's like body and stuff. Like people like well, she's so confident it probably doesn't bother her Mm-hmm, but like the best of the best, get bothered by, yeah, that because To some extent, it heightens the things they're already thinking about mm-hmm, which is also why should be nice online little plush say it again Be nice to the people.
Speaker 2:Yes, because everyone struggles with their, their own body image. Everyone struggles with, you know, looking at themselves in the mirror and Having those moments where, like, maybe they feel like they're not enough, or maybe they feel like they haven't done enough, or like they feel Like what's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 2:Like inadequate, unaccomplished stuff, yeah, like stuff like they're never gonna get there. You know, like where they feel, like this is what I'm stuck at, like you know, and I've had, I've had people who are my clients who have felt that where they're like they feel stuck, like they're like I think I'm gonna be this, wait forever, or they're gonna look this way forever, and they're not happy with it, but they're like it just has to be it, like this is how I feel and like that you know they Sit in that and then you know, maybe their body changes and they're like not completely happy, like well, what if this is my hand? You know like, yeah, the body is more for you continues, no matter what size, shape, weight, muscle, mass, body percentage, whatever you are, there's always gonna be. You're, as they say, you're your own worst critic. This is true.
Speaker 2:And now, as Other people, though, it's like we can continue to feed into our friends and our Family, who maybe, like you, don't know who's struggling. But I just more feel like you truly don't, and like that's why it's very mine Good to be mindful of all of your comments and everything, but like, yeah, that's where, also, I think it's important that, if you're some of the struggles with body, with morphe. Like always, it's always good to give people encouragement, even when maybe you don't think they need it. Like it doesn't have to be something big, yeah, and it could be like they're wearing a cute top. Oh my gosh, you look really good on that top, because maybe before they left they possibly thought Should I be wearing like a crop top?
Speaker 2:like you know like you never know what people are thinking, and I think, as support systems, as people who also deal with that um and that's kind of, I think where this podcast is kind of going is like no one's alone in feeling that, like, whether you are a tip top shape, whether you are maybe starting your fitness journey, maybe where do you have it and you're just contemplating starting it, you're in that pre contemplation stage. Yeah, wherever you're out with that, you're not alone and picking apart your body in the morning or going to bed or whatever that looks like. And, as people who also deal with that, it is. It is so nice to pour into people and surround yourself with people who Are going to constantly do that for you so that maybe when you look in the mirror and you put that top on again, you're like oh yeah, she said I look good on this top.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I think that helps me. I don't know about you, I think that helps me when I'm having some like Uh issues. Talking positively to myself, it's like if someone just comes up and like, hey, you look really good today, or like whatever the tiniest thing helps me, um, so I don't know how that is for you, um, but yeah, that's just my thought on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, like a pay-it-forward system.
Speaker 2:Yeah like, like you have at the drive-through yes, exactly, well, and I?
Speaker 1:um. There's a really interesting poem that resurfaces on Like a couple of my friends instagram stories every like four years or so.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like a nature's healing cycle and it comes up um, and I I see all viewpoints on this poem it's, it's, it's. So, basically, the gist of the poem is I'm sorry to everyone I've called like beautiful or handsome, like I'm sorry I didn't notice how witty you were, or I'm sorry I didn't notice the confidence in the way you walked, or sorry, I didn't notice this careful and thoughtful gesture you made for someone else. And I thought that was really interesting because I, having now entered the fitness sphere and oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is the fitness sphere, the fitness cinematic universe, if you. Well, I love that. Um, now that I'm in it, I'm at a point where I mean we talked about this on another episode like People in fitness will walk up and, in their first like two minutes of their exchange, start talking about the muscles that have grown bigger on the other person.
Speaker 1:And it's it was fascinating for me because I came from the realm of like don't perceive me, don't look at me, don't acknowledge that, like. Any conversation about that's gonna make me feel uncomfortable, whereas as I've spent more time in the gym, growing muscular structure, doing cardio to burn fat, it's been really interesting to have those conversations and to see how people in this community Do that in a productive and uplifting way that, in my opinion, doesn't incur the same body dysmorphia that, like scrolling through a voiceless instagram feed does.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I do. I really I like what you said because it's I think in the gym we do say those things to each other. We're like dang your shoulders, look really good. And In the gym environment it Like when people say stuff like that, people become more receptive and more open to accepting compliments, where I think in other situations we tend to deflect compliments. And You're right, because in the gym atmosphere, like, people are so much more receptive when people compliment them. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because they know that if that muscle group grew, they are solely responsible for it. Like, even if they have a trainer, their trainer didn't do the hundred lateral raises for them. Yes, which is kind of a cool concept, though, of like taking ownership and like accepting those compliments and like really letting those sink in to help Our own viewpoint on ourselves. Yeah, where, if maybe someone compliments you on something that Like, when people I I'm a very blue eyed person and super I was like, oh, your eyes are so pretty, whatever, yeah, I'm like that is nothing for me. I'm like that's the next. That's from my parents, interesting, okay, okay, thank you. Yeah, like cool, I didn't work for those, I was born with them, and.
Speaker 2:But when people are like, wow, your shoulders look really good, I'm like Thank you, like that makes my day, yeah, and then I go home and I'm like oh, they're right, you know so the true, the fitness fear is such a different space for compliments, which is why you know you they say this a lot it it cost you nothing to uplift someone. It really doesn't. And you never know who needs those words of affirmation for the day. And you can give yourself those words of affirmation Like think how you talk to other people and give yourself that same reflection, and even with your sandwich that you're talking about, whatever you call it, I'm hungry now thinking about my compliments.
Speaker 2:It's like in the mirror you can say, wow, I've done a really good job on my shoulders. You know I still have a little bit of ways to go with like losing weight, but like I feel good. So then maybe you're addressing some things that you're still self-conscious about and that you're still self-conscious about, but then you're also acknowledging the progress you've done and I think that can help. That's helped me when I've been in a mode of like everyone who knows me knows I am all dysmorphiaed about my legs, which now, given they are not evolving as quickly as my shoulders- but that's because your shoulders are like growing at a pace unmatched by a woman Like you can't blame the shoulders.
Speaker 2:But that's where sometimes I'm like you know what? I look at them and I'm like, okay, my shoulders look great. Okay, my hamstrings aren't where I want them to be, but, like my quads, they're coming in. So that's where that self-talk of almost as like your own personal coach to yourself is like beautiful to acknowledge the good things. Like don't stand in the mirror and pick yourself apart, like at least look in there and say, okay, I showed up for myself and these things have changed Now. Yes, do I want to continue working on this, even if it's some minor, minor thing. Then you just sandwiched it a little bit more like but I feel good. Today I gave myself some sleep by a healthy.
Speaker 2:I drank my water so you can count your wins while working on the things in progress, the things that are loading. Yes, I think that maybe that'll work for some people. For you know, when we start to talk to Adelaide to yourself At least you know with what you said is sandwich it a little bit Like teach yourself to acknowledge the things that you've done, that you've done for your body, that you've worked on, that you've made so much progress on, cause, like it's just so easy to just spiral. Yeah, when you start with something negative it's so easy. So at least if you're going to talk to yourself, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 2:start with something positive. Yeah. That's why sometimes I have I tell people I'm like, if you're a day, if you're always looking negatively on your day, start with something positive. Start with something that makes you happy. And the book I was reading also said that Great book. But that's what it was also saying is like start the morning with something that makes you feel empowered, yeah. And if that's going to the gym, great. If that's sitting with a cup of tea and writing in a journal, great. Whatever makes you feel in control and positive about life, yourself, your body, your mentality, like your mental health, whatever that looks like. Start your day with that. Like get the ball rolling with that. And I think that applies even when we look in the mirror, when we're at a store trying on clothes and instead of Amelia picking yourself apart, be like okay, this color looks good on me. Maybe I don't like the cut, but like there you go.
Speaker 2:But the size is right, so keep going. I love that. I think that's great. I think I'll try that.
Speaker 1:I think I'll do that. Well, I think it's interesting to point out too, because I know we're in the midst of a body neutrality movement which I think is a natural opposition to body dysmorphia, and I don't necessarily believe for me, body neutrality is the solution.
Speaker 1:But I think when we look in the mirror and do kind of I'm doing air quotes right now that objective assessment that includes those negative air quotes again qualities about yourself, I think that it can be really helpful. Two things First is, if you're being entirely objective, there's also going to be positive things as well. Like even when I first started my fitness journey, you even told me like your quads are pretty good, yeah. And now like there's, there's all. Even if you're at the very beginning, you're on the precipice.
Speaker 1:If you are trying to convince yourself that by being negative you are staying objective in air quotes, I think it's important to, even if you have to this is the qualitative researcher in me even if every time you look at yourself, you take a little tally of, like, how many thoughts were positive, how many thoughts were negative. Like, just be curious about it, be a little scientist about it, unpack it. Because I think it's really important to acknowledge that even if you're in a place where there's a lot of things you want to work on, there are things that you're already doing really well and you can use that momentum to keep pushing you. And then the other thing with the like body neutrality is Can you explain body neutrality for a bit.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my gosh. Yeah, sorry, I don't think I've actually heard of that.
Speaker 1:Really Okay. Yeah, so body neutrality is the concept that is, so to speak, the next evolution of body positivity. So if we define body dysmorphia as seeing things hyper negatively, hyper fixating on your body, body positivity is over emphasizing the positives of your body. That's body positivity. So that's where we were. Obviously we're having this conversation about body dysmorphia and in this conversation we've said so many times about how many people feel this way. So body positivity didn't work for a lot of people and so out of that movement came body neutrality.
Speaker 1:And the concept of body neutrality is my body should not be used to make value assessments about me as a person, so the way my body looks like I'm not going to look in the mirror and say I look super great today, because if I look in the mirror and I say my body looks super great today, that opens me up to a sticky situation tomorrow where I could look in the mirror and make that value assessment of my body and leave myself open to the opportunity that that value assessment could be negative. So if you're neutral, you're not going to fall into negative talk because you're not over emphasizing the positive. But then, if you're neutral, what's kind of arisen in the discourse after body neutrality is kind of well. I have these body dysmorphia feelings. But if I am trying to be body neutral, how do I address those? Like do I just dismiss me feeling dysmorphia Because my body doesn't matter at all and I'm just a soul, you know.
Speaker 1:But then are we abandoning our body and what our body means. So it's fascinating. But yeah, the gist of it is, we started with body dysmorphia. We liked that as a society, so then we moved to body positivity.
Speaker 1:That also wasn't working, and then we went to neutrality and now as a society we're kind of trying to figure out like the problems in that perspective as well. So this just all goes to say there is no solution. No one has figured out how to solve this problem, this condition of being human. Yes, yeah so it's complex.
Speaker 2:You're all as lost as we are, Truly truly.
Speaker 1:We've spent so long thinking about this, like there's no solutions?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's no solutions, but we can offer potential tools building a toolkit. Like as a coach, I give people tool kits like tools and tool kit to help them deal with things that I've dealt with that other people dealt with. Yeah, like you have some of your mechanisms that you're like, this can help with this and, you know, some days it might work really well for you. But if I need to try out anything, we'll continue talking about it later.
Speaker 1:But no, the toolkit is super important. Yeah, I think it's helpful too, like with the thought of amassing and building your toolkit. It's the same as like your fitness journey You're never going to be done building your toolkit.
Speaker 1:You're never going to have every tool you're ever going to need, but I always equate it to if I'm having a bad health and wellness day. I would rather go to my like bat cave level garage that has all of the possible tools that I've amassed so far than go to like my kitchen drawer that has the IKEA tool that comes with all the IKEA furniture.
Speaker 1:I would rather have that wider variety of tools at my disposal. So if that's helpful because I know it can be hard when you're especially beginning for me, when I was first building my toolbox with like stuff that you would tell me it would be really helpful and then I go to like do those things, and sometimes I would exhaust everything you had told me to do and I would still be feeling frustrated. And then I started building my own tools and then I started looking at other people for tools and so doing your research Like as daunting as all of these I mean side effects feels like a weird word but like body dysmorphia is like a natural, I would say, consequence of focusing on your body so much through health and fitness that there are ways that we can kind of tame that beast. So it doesn't need to feel scary or feel like a reason to not pursue a health and fitness journey and rather just an exciting other challenge that we're equipping ourselves to take on.
Speaker 2:No, I agree, and I think a lot of people, even outside of the fitness and health journey, really really deal with that, because I onboard clients and immediately they start hating on parts of their body that I'm like I was being focused on that, you know, but then it is cool months later where, instead of being hyper focused on that, they're hyper focused on their progression and focusing on that, and I think a mindset shift can really of hyper-focusing on just the good things and like I don't think that's the same thing as the body positivity.
Speaker 2:I think it's hyper-focusing on the things that you've done for yourself over, let's say, a course of three months and, like we said, the sandwich, like that's what I think for me Like I think that's like gonna be my best tool for when I'm feeling down on my body and like you just never know what other people are going through what other tools, other people, and talk about it.
Speaker 2:Talk about it with your friends, talk about it with your family, because I think just I don't know how long it's been the time-wise, but I think people don't always know that other people are going through it. And I think when you have those open conversations with other people and say, hey, like you know, lately I've been not feeling great about my body and like, have those conversations with your family, have those conversations with your friends so they know where you're sitting at, so like they can offer their advice you know they know you best and having those open conversations and I think that's why we decided to choose this topic, too for the podcast today, because no one is an expert on body dysmorphia and how to fix it and change it but having the open dialogue about it and things we've experienced, things other people have experienced, things that maybe influenced our own body dysmorphia and tactics, I think it's just a kind of like a what's that called a call to action.
Speaker 2:Yes of talk to people about it. You don't know if the girl that looks ripped at the gym is dealing with that. You don't know if the really really, really attractive person at the mall is dealing with that. You just don't know. And it's good to have an open dialogue with your friends and family about it Because also, too, you know when people joke around about things or like maybe say something that might hurt your feelings, like if you don't have an open dialogue about it, they don't know where you're sitting at. So it's a vulnerable place to put yourself in. But it also might be really good because the people that care about you can help. You know you maneuver through that as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, vulnerability does not equal bad.
Speaker 2:No, not at all. So do you have any final thoughts on that?
Speaker 1:Concluding thoughts, Just that. In my personal experience, the best way to combat body dysmorphia is being realistic. Because, in every realistic evaluation of a situation there are pros and cons, but by staying objective and realistic about it we can stay solution oriented and focus on what we can do, but also being grounded in reality and the success that we have used to get to this point. So just I find that, personally, thinking of it as using reality and what is true to combat body dysmorphia is the most helpful for me.
Speaker 2:What about you? I think, just I think, for me, my body dysmorphia is so influenced just through me being mindful of how I talk to myself and placing, I guess, placing the value, in my own words, to myself as much as I would like a stranger. Yes, I think, like placing that emphasis and, like you know, when I talk positively to myself, I'm like that's just as valuable as if someone else said that to me.
Speaker 1:I would argue, even more valuable at least just from what I know of your. My experience, yeah.
Speaker 2:And that maybe sometimes I'm not gonna be totally content with where I'm at and that maybe sometimes I might be a little hard on myself.
Speaker 2:But like, follow that up with, like how proud I am of myself, of how far I've come and whether that's I need to look at my progress photos, then you know that's the affirmation I need for myself. And like, placing value in what I've done, placing value in my own words to myself and using the constructive criticism as not as a negative towards myself, but a positive, that I acknowledge it and I have control to work on those things. But like I've also had other things that I wanna change, that now I look in the mirror and I'm super happy with, yeah, so placing value in all aspects of yourself and that we have control and opportunity to continue moving forward, feeling good about ourselves and just you know there's gonna be bad days and that's okay. But like, keep enforcing those positive thoughts, keep complimenting yourself and talk about it. Yeah, don't hold it all in, because that's how things bottle up and spiral out, and I know like sometimes you'll reach out to me when you're having those thoughts and like that's when we can kind of recalibrate yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah so anyway, all that being said, we will be bringing you some body dysmorphia content, hopefully this week, on the Instagram account, which you can follow us at GGGP underscore podcast on Instagram, and you can also reach out to us at girls gains and growing pains at gmailcom. So we check our Instagram more frequently, so if you have a burning question, hit us up there. Yeah, that has been another episode of girls gains and growing pains. Thank you.